lack of inspiration.

I've been needing to write on here again for a long time now. Finding the time and words to say has been difficult needless to say. Life has been a crazy roller coaster that's for sure, but still I am immensely blessed and so thankful to be where I'm at in my life.

School is definitely keeping me busy/stressed to the max. I am overall doing extremely well in my classes, but I am working overtime in order to do so. I apply to the Dental Hygiene program in January, so I am trying to get prepared for that as well... I also registered for my classes next semester and it turns out I am only taking two classes (not necessarily easy classes)... so I am going to have a lot more time to work, workout, whatever I need to do, which is relieving.

Speaking of work I have zero work through Bayada right now, and I kindof like it that way. It's almost a waste of time and money to drive to Cabarrus county (they send me to reallllyyyy far out places), for just a few hours at a time when they don't compensate me for any of my gas. Not only that they told me that because of the economic crisis, they cannot afford to give me my yearly raise. So in the meantime I have started working for a Communications and Surveillance business that this family at my church runs. So far I love it, the environment, and especially the family. They are very kind people and very understanding and I couldn't be more thankful to have gotten this job in the first place. Although I am still struggling financially I know I will eventually figure this all out, I know God knows what's best for me. :)

...and yes. I am still single. I like it that way at this point. I have met an amazing guy that I could have a lot of potential with in the future, but we both agree right now it is best to just be friends, and I really appreciate the fact that he understands. I don't really know what's best to be honest, but I know what's meant to be will find it's way, and right now I feel it is important to focus on school, work, and getting into this dental hygiene program as soon as possible! And until I figure things out, I am very very grateful to have him in my life.

I have been having my moments lately but ultimately I know that I am a VERY lucky girl. I have an amazing group of friends here, and I now absolutely love living in Charlotte, I couldn't imagine being anywhere else. I only wish I could ship my sisters out here :P, i miss them soooo much. Luckily I get to see them this weekend, and then two weeks after that for Thanksgiving at my grandparents house!! I am especially thankful for getting to spend Thanksgiving with my grandparents this year. Because my grandma was so sick for the past year and a half or so I was really scared last thanksgiving could possibly be the last. But God knew it wasn't her time yet and although she was very ill for a very long time, she is doing so much better now and I couldn't thank God more for that! I guess that's what Thanksgiving is all about, huh?

I will try better to update this more often, that way I can broaden my posts a little bit and be more specific :) God bless!

you can't swim in a town this shallow.

Yes, I realize how long it has been.

Life, has been absolutely crazy, yet wonderful. I finally finished school, and also am finally starting to love living in Charlotte, yes i said it :) Lots of things have changed since I last wrote, so lets catch up shall we?

Harmon and I decided to officially not be together anymore a few months ago. This was a very mature decision on our parts I believe, because despite the fact that we still loved each other more than either of us could describe, we knew it was the best thing to do for ourselves as individuals. We are fifteen different kinds of wrong for each other, and although it was a hard fact to face, I was grateful for the relationship we had and all the good things that came along with it.

Most of my changes in my life recently have come as a result of my involvement with my church here. I couldn't ask for a better church. I started going to the college group meetings every sunday night, which is now known as C4 (don't ask questions, this is for future reference haha).... Immediately I met incredible people and began to form close relationships and bonds with them. We are all so different in many ways, yet we all get along so well. A lot of people giggle or assume things when I say that I'm hanging out with my church friends. But seeing us out in public you would never think that's strictly what we were, we try to get together as a group throughout the week on multiple occasions whether it is to watch a movie or go to dinner, or even go dancing. It is amazing to me that God has finally put people in my life that understand me, and love me for who I am. I couldn't ask for a better group of friends. I went from having one real friend (Harmon) to having nearly 30 people at my birthday dinner! I am still shocked as to how this happened, but could not be more thankful for Mosaic. Through working with the 2 and 3 year olds there and the worship, and the college group I can honestly say it has changed my life completely, for the better. I have been unshakably happy, even through hardships and bad news. I really do feel like a completely new person. I finally feel like my move to Charlotte was a very good decision, and I no longer feel it was a mistake.

With new friends, comes new men haha. Not only that really cute, motivated, smart men! I have formed close relationships with some of the guys in the group, but there was one guy in particular that caught my eye. His name is Trey. He is my age, blonde, in really good shape, and is extremely smart. I have never found so many what would normally be "pluses" is one guy. Our friendship bloomed immediately and eventually became more than a friendship. Although I knew in the back of my mind that I was not ready for another relationship, I thought that maybe through time it would grow on me and it would end up being the best decision of my life. So I took a chance, and started dating Trey. In the time that we dated/talked he took me to a nascar race, a jason aldean concert, a brad paisley concert, cooked me home cooked meals, bought me flowers, made my bed in the morning with a personalized note, sent me beautiful text messages throughout the day... everything a girl could ever want, right?? I thought that's what I wanted, but throughout the few weeks we were together it became more apparent to me that what I really needed was to breathe. To be single, and improve my relationship with myself and with God before I get into anything serious again. I know that I let go of something I may never have back again, but I know it was the right decision, and I hope that it doesn't make things awkward within the group. Hopefully maturity will be a major factor in this situation and we can maintain a strong friendship, because I know if we can manage we can be amazing friends, for a long time.

Other than that, there have admittedly been some pretty rough things going on in my life. My sister was in a 4 car pileup last week and totalled her car, but luckily was not injured at all. I have never been so scared and it made me realize just how bad off I would be if something happened to one of my sisters. I am so thankful nothing happened to her. Not long after this my grandmother (who has been in and out of the hospital with C. Diff since last year) had what seemed to be a stroke and was rushed to the hospital. No signs of paralysis were present and she was released home and then was back in the hospital within days. She is still there, and I don't think I have stopped praying for her. I am so scared and yet hopeful that things will get better for her, they have to. She is the strongest woman I know, and with my grandfather's support I know she can do anything, and will.

So right now I am praying for my family, I actually get to go visit them in a matter of hours and could not be more excited. I am also enjoying this time for myself, and thanking God every day for my many many blessings. It is incredible how much he has done for me lately.

fait.

Things are slowly and progressively starting to work themselves out.
Harmon and I are still in the process of figuring out what is best for our relationship, and what is best for ourselves as individuals.

I have been spending a lot of time at church, and trying to get to know the other people that go there. I have started going to a College Small Group, which so far I love, I have already made new friends, which is absolutely thrilling. =D. I am also volunteering in their kid's ministry, and working with the toddlers (makes it feel a little more like home).

I just wanted to post this video, a guy from my church made it and they played it in service yesterday. It pretty much sums up the mood I'm in right now. =]


http://www.thedoorpost.com/joy/fait/

^^ My church logo, matches my blog teehee.

here comes goodbye.

I'm trying to keep this positive, right?


So all I'm going to say is I'm in the process of loosing my boyfriend, and best friend.
Nomatter what we do, we can't stop arguing, and we both can't take it anymore.
So now we're forced to end it.

I'm so out of it, I feel like I'm loosing my mind.


I really hope this is the best thing, because it's the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

getting settled.

Okay,

So first of all, I LOVE MY NEW APARTMENT!! I couldn't have asked for better roommates (which I learned how to sign in sign language class today). Moving was quite a process though, my move in day was the worst day of the year to ever have to move (weather wise). It was pouring icy rain and even worse the majority of the move I was having to do by myself. It was miserable, and everytime I made a trip I had to come back and put my clothes in the dryer because they were soaked. Eventually though, I got most of it moved and had a chance to settle in, decorate and whatnot.

Needless to say, within a day I was sick as hell, which obviously wasn't fun I feel like I have been sick all winter. I guess that's what I get for skipping the flu shot this year. Anyways to make a long story short it was a slow start, but I am loving living there. I am going to post pictures on my next post.

This past week was my spring break, and I mean it when I say it is possibly the best spring break I have ever had! I have felt unshakeable this entire week, nothing has been able to bring me down off of my cloud that I have been on for the past week and a half. It's crazy, I have never felt this good for such a long period of time. My spring break started out in Waynesville, of course. I went home for the weekend and finally had a chance to stay with Katie and the kids again. Little Aly Beth is sooo big, she will be a year old in May, which is unfathomable to me! Max just turned 4, and Eli will be starting Kindergarden this coming school year. Wow, time flies so incredibly fast. Eli is in a stage where he is starting to be really shy around girls, but Max still shows his love for me in every way he can. He runs up to me and grabs my leg and says, "I wuv ooo bunnneee"... or anytime I had to leave he would get a sad face and say. "Don't weeave, I want ooo." Yeah, right like I'm supposed to be able to just take off after that. Regardless I love that family more than words could ever express, and I am so glad I got to spend time with them last weekend. Other than staying there I also got to see some long lost friends, and spend some quality time with my family, which I always cherish.

Coming back I was a little unsure, just because both my roommates were going to be out of town the whole week and I knew I would be alone that whole time. I was really excited to see Harmon though, we hadn't seen eachother in nearly 5 days or so. Throughout the week I worked, spent time with Harmon, and also had quality time to myself which I haven't gotten to have in quite some time. Friday my sister Becca and her boyfriend came to visit me for the weekend, which I was stoked about of course. That night we went to uptown Charlotte to see a Sublime cover band in Concert named Badfish. During the first song out of nowhere the lead singer was attacked by someone in the audience, and the punch flew him to the other end of the stage. The rest of the band dropped their instruments and joined in and started beating the guy's ass that did it, it was a full out brawl!! Everyone was just standing there like really? Is this happening? Eventually the lead singer was on his feet, and after having a busted lip and a concussion from a supposed skitzo, he continued and played out the rest of the concert. (Which was amazing by the way, they sounded just like Sublime). I still couldn't believe it happened, but it definitely made the night worthwhile, haha.

Saturday we woke up incredibly late because of our late ventures the night before, but eventually my roommate from Texas (Nikki) came home, and a few people came over and she cooked mexican food for everyone. It was delicious, and we all decided to watch Rocky Horror Picture Show, which is the most ridiculous movie known to mankind. Still it was so much fun watching it together, and just finally getting to "hang out". Lord knows how long it's been since I have been able to do that comfortably in my own environment.

Yesterday was possibly my favorite day. I woke up in Harmon's arms (which always starts my day off perfectly), and we all decided to go eat some yummy sushi. So we did, and like I predicted it was delicious. After that my sister had to leave so I said goodbye to her and then headed to the mall with Nikki. I am broke, so unfortunately shopping was out of the question, but I got to do some intense window shopping and I have some great ideas for when I do get some cash, haha. After we got back we watched Sixteen Candles, Pirates of the Carribean, and a little bit of Young Frankenstein haha. Then Harmon and his best friend came over, and we all hung out together for a little while and eventually crashed.

Today we started school back, and ugh the weather is just as dreadful as the school day itself. Fortunately, It has gone by really smooth so far, and I am planning to go home and take me a nice nap. This week has made me truly realize how blessed I am, and how nomatter what kind of crap is going on in my life I always have a reason to smile. I don't know why I ever let that get away from me before, but I promise, the more positive Bonnie is here to stay. =D.

My brokenness helped me to see; It's grace I'm standing on.

Sigh. I love Anne Geddes' Photography. =]

It is closing in on 3:30 pm and I have been here, at school since 9 this morning. What a long day. I stayed after to try to get a lot of my math homework done, and 3 and a half hours later I only got about half of it done. I think that's a bit ridiculous, how can they expect us to have that kind of time? Especially when I will be moving in this weekend, it's going to be pretty hectic. But I'm going to do my best to get everything leveled out.

No work today, so I am going to go to the house and continue to pack. I bought gigantic tubs yesterday to make it easier to pack clothes, since I'm guessing this isn't going to be the last time I have to move. It just makes sense, so it's easier when i DO move. I'm sick of hauling my clothes around from house to house in trashbags, the looks people give me though are hilarious I do admit. I woke up this morning and was way too lazy to even change clothes for school, therefore I didn't and came in a t-shirt and my boyfriend's old gym shorts, haha. It feels more like Friday that way! I am starting to get so anxious about this move, and the fact I haven't met my roomies yet. Regardless, I'm trying to think as positive as possible, and I'm very much looking forward to it.

I went back to the doctor yesterday and my nose looks ten times better than it did two or three days ago! Even today looks better than yesterday. I think the infection is gone, and now all that's left to do is heal completely. How cool is that? After I left the doctor I was hungry so I decided to hop over to Off The Grill and grab a sandwhich. When I was walking in I heard someone call my name, and it turned out to be my cousin. (The one I live with whose girlfriend and I can't live together, apparently). Well he ended up insisting on buying my lunch and having me eat with him. I was really surprised, but happy at the same time because we never get to see eachother or talk to eachother without Tenille or the baby being there. So it was nice to sit down and have a decent conversation, and improve our relationship before I move out. He is going through so much and works so hard, he needs someone to talk to, especially after I'm gone. So I'm glad we established that, and I am going to miss him for sure. But at least I know our relationship is better, I absolutely did not want to leave on bad notes with anyone.

So all this is really starting to come together for me, and I pray and hope it continues to do so. I will update with pictures of my new apartment and info about my new roomies as soon as I am able, I have a feeling this is going to be a busy weekend.

take me as i am; or watch me as i go.

I have never been so grateful to be through with school for the day, as I am today. I suppose Friday will be even better, with it being the weekend and all... my MOVE IN weekend. =D

Yeah, so um... yesterday I woke up to find the whole left side of my face completely swollen. Turns out my nose ring is BEYOND infected, and it has taken over my life for a while. I never realized how important my nose is. Every time I yawn, or laugh, or sing, or sneeze, I seriously want to cut my nose off my face. It was so bad yesterday Harmon and his mother forced me to go to a doctor. All she did was hand me some antibiotics and tell me to come back in a couple days, so it looks like I'm gonna fight this infection with the ring still in my nose. Which im all for, because if I can get it to heal without having to take it out that would be great, but at this point, I want the damn thing out of my nose haha. I can't wear makeup, or hardly go out in public im so embarrassed of it. Oh well, take me as I am right? Infection, or no infection I'm still me.

Okay, so that was stupid. Today I have been so incredibly anxious and fidgety. All through math I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin, one of those check the clock and only a minute has gone by days, I hope that's not an indicator as to how the rest of my day will be.

The rest of my day is only going to consist of working though, luckily. I am hoping to be able to go take a short nap before (wouldn't that be nice.) I would normally go to the gym after but Im so scared of sweating into my infection and making it worse. So I guess its back to the house to clean and pack some more.

Other than the infection life is swell. I have 99 dollars to my name (until my pay check goes through), but im completely fine with that. I'm glad I'm not working 24/7 just to get by. Maybe when this nose ring thing gets better I will go apply for a second job, but I'm in no hurry. The last thing I want to do right now is put more stress into my life, because for once, I'm not that stressed out, I'm pretty darn happy. And so so thankful for evvvverything! =D

haha. with or without an infection on your face.