Phil 1:6

Wow. I don't even know where to start.


Worked yesterday. From 6:30 am to 7pm. Work wasn't too awful bad, we had students from high school doing clinicals with us, which helped me a great deal, so a lot of the time I was just standing around socializing with the patients, which I don't usually get much time to do. Looking around the room of all the precious patients who got stuck with Alzheimers or Dimentia makes me think a lot. It makes me grateful to be in the state of health that I am in, and also grateful that my family has not shown any signs of either disease. Every night I find myself praying for a cure to them one day. Living in that state of confusion or anger would drive me crazy. But it just makes me love my patients even more, and I respect each and every one of them more than anything.


Once I got off work last night I came home and got a message from the girl who was supposed to move in with me at the end of the month. Of course, she says she can't move in after all. Which was another big blow to my bad start of the new year. My room mate is moving out in 3 weeks, and that does not give me much time to find someone not only that can afford it, but that I can stand to live with. I just hit rock bottom last night. I feel as though everything in my world is crashing down around me all at one time, and there is nothing I can do about it. I feel stuck. Then the night just continued to get worse, and I'm not going to go into detail about it, but needless to say I am having a hard time of letting go of Levi. I don't know or understand why it is so hard this time, but I can't seem to do it. I know I NEED to, and that one day I will be so much better off, but it's so hard for me to face and admit. He is running over my heart again and again, and I need to stop being so vulnerable to it. Period.


Today I met with Shannon at Panacea for lunch, which we have not done in ages. It feels good to be meeting with friends I haven't seen in a while again, and having their support. She helped me a great deal with every word she spoke, and now I feel as if I have more peace with my situation. I know this because she has been in a similar situation for quite sometime. It always helps when you have someone to relate to, even if it isn't necessarily a good thing. It's good to know I'm not alone, even though I feel lonelier than I have felt in a long time.


When it comes down to it I am still thankful. Thankful for everything I do have, my cabin, my job, my family, and my friends. I need to remind myself of the true things that make me happy, and realize that God's work in me is far from over. The other day at my bible study Mo read Phil 1:6 and I fell in love with it. I think it is my new favorite bible verse...for now. =]



"Being confident of this, he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ."