Real Girl.

New blog, new start.

this is for the girls who never won.
who stay up late at night listening
to music that inspires them to do things,
next to impossible .
the girls that laugh, smile & cry
and think on a daily basis.
the girls who learn & regret.
the girls who never have it easy .
the girls who learn the hard way
& live to tell about it.
the real girls.


I hate how fast things can go from amazing to awful. How you can be smiling from ear to ear one second, and just one little thing can bring you down. I hate how you put all your effort into something, and end up failing in the end, and how you can wish and hope things will work out, but you later figure out it's not part of God's plan. But that's just it. God's plan. I think one of the hardest things to do in life is accept God's true plan for our lives, because most of the time at that particular moment, it's not what we want for ourselves. We are so selfish to think that he is wrong, and we know ourselves better. That's what I have had to tell myself here lately. I moved out seeking freedom and happiness, and now I find myself in a pit of stress, and confusion. I went to my first semester of college while working a 40 hour week 40 minutes away. I physically could not do both, because I was up all night doing papers and stuff, and then up at 4:30 in the morning to go work a 12 hour shift? Somehow I did it though. Passed my first semester of college with almost straight As, but I felt like if I took one more semester while keeping this job I have it just would not work. Then it turns out that my college screws up my academic goals in becoming a nurse, by not telling me I needed a certain class by a certain time to apply for nursing program of 2008. So that left me thinking, maybe I should find another job, and think of another long term goal of what I want to become. Working as a nurse aid has kindof shown me the side of nurses that I never want to become, so why would I want to become like them? So now I am not going to school, and just working. Seems like it would be a piece of cake but I still feel stuck in this sticky world. The guy that I have been dating for close to 2 years and I have recently ended our relationship. This took out a lot of me, and again was one of those situations I didn't want to accept God's plan for me. Why would he put me through what I have been going through? Simply the answer is for long term happiness one day, and maybe finding the right guy for me eventually, but I don't even want to think about another guy. I put my heart and soul into this relationship and ended up failing at it. So now, I am doing nothing but working, and being alone. All my friends are in school of some kind, and I am so lonely. I almost wish I could go to school just for one class even, so that I can meet new people, and keep up with my longterm friends. I guess that's something I will have to figure out through time. My roommate is moving out at the end of the month, and I am supposed to be moving in another one of my friends, which I suppose is something to look forward to. Hopefully this time it will work out. Hopefully in time, everything will work out. At least that's what I pray.


I guess all I can do is pray for healing and strength to keep going, and keep up with my family and friends that have supported and loved me all along.



"If that's what it takes to praise you, Jesus bring the rain."