porcelain heart.

Okay, so it's been a while since I last wrote.

I guess the main reason would be, I didn't know how to write what I have been feeling for these past few days. The only explanation would be, blank, indescribeable, empty. Although I must say I have been doing relatively well, it's just very up and down.

This is my weekend off, and needless to say I'm thrilled. Tonight I am a little bit bummed though because I ended up just sitting at home watching movies and curling up by the fire, when I was hoping to hang out with some of my friends. There's not much you can do when you get snowed in, and I'm not even going to risk trying to leave like my room mate did today. She got halfway down my hill and started sliding really bad, and we had to get a guy to go stop traffic at the bottom of the road so she could slide it out. It was pretty scary, so I'm here. Alone. It's harder when I have nights or even days like this because I think and sulk that much more. But I'm trying not to think about it and be happy regardless. I am excited about tomorrow because I get to baby-sit Max and Eli. I have missed them so so much, and I also miss spending time with their mom. She is expecting a little girl almost on my birthday, and I couldn't be more excited about it. I love seeing the boys, and then seeing what's on it's way in just a few short months just by looking at her cute round belly. It makes me realize that things do eventually work out, and there is good in every situation. If she hadn't have left her high school sweetheart husband, she wouldn't have met her husband now, and these 2 almost 3 bundles of joy wouldn't be here. I can't see my life without that family, and I cannot wait for the 3rd one.

Sunday I am hoping to make a trip to Hendersonville for Chrysalis for the day. My mission has been to find someone (from Chrysalis) to go there with me on Sunday, but so far no luck. I am hoping to go with or without someone, but I would prefer to have some company. I haven't been to Chrysalis in so so long, I hope it's not a whole new crowd when I get there, or I really will feel uncomfortable if I don't have someone with me. Either way, I'm sure I'll have a good time.

Now all I have to do is do everything possible to keep myself from thinking about anything other than the blessings God has placed into my life, and hopefully have a good nights rest that I desperately need.




Broken heart one more time
Pick yourself up, why even cry
Broken pieces in your hands
Wonder how you'll make it whole

You know, you pray
This can't be the way
You cry, you say
Something's gotta change
And mend this porcelain heart of mine

Someone said "A broken heart
Would sting at first then make you stronger"
You wonder why this pain remains
Were hearts made whole just to break

Creator only You take brokenness
And create it into beauty once again.