there's no better way to live than in the moment; right here. right now.

Hm.

The past couple days have been extremely rollercoaster-ish. I'm not going to go into major detail about Monday night, because it still upsets me to talk about it. But basically Monday evening I almost lost my best friend, and it was all my fault. (And I didn't even intend to fuck up, but apparently its really easy for me). People tend to come to me when they need someone to talk to, which is great, and I love listening and helping as much as I can. But what are you supposed to do when someone comes to you over and over, and it's really not your place to say anything? I have avoided it for so long, and finally I said my honest opinion. I was very careful with what I put, and the way I put it, and also trusted Benji when I told him. But he threw me under the bus as soon as it came out and used it against her. Saying things like "Everyone thinks you treat me bad, even your best friend." Which is something I never ever said. Ugh. It makes me sick to even think about it, and how much drama was involved. I can't stand it when people I care about are angry with me for things I really didn't mean to do. I would never choose to hurt her, let alone talk mad crap about her relationship with Benji. Like I said it isn't my place, and it's my fault I said anything in the first place. When I was in the heat of the moment I was thinking wow, I am never giving advice again. 5 minutes later James calls me and says, "Bonnie, I really need your advice." haha. It made me smile, and I realized that's not possible. Regardless, people need me, I just need to be more careful I guess.

Other than that I think we have worked things out. But I definitely don't trust either of them right now, especially Benji. Things like this are the very reason I miss being single sometimes. It is soooo much less drama, and heartache. Have I figured out my position? No. I have just been praying, and driving in my car listening to songs like, "Don't worry... about a thing... cuz every little thing... is gonna be alrighhht." haha. And I suprisingly feel so much better. I don't know why I worry so much, life is way to short to do so.

I have been at the gym every night since I have been back, and I have to say I am incredibly sore, as well as my nose ring. It wasn't hurting at first but now I find myself accidentally scratching there, or rubbing it in the shower, and it hurts soooo bad. Speaking of the shower, I refuse to clean it if my roommate keeps murdering the soap in the shower, and then telling me to clean it every week. Aren't I justified in saying no to that?

Today was a really long day for me. It started out by me oversleeping an hour, and not having a chance to shower this morning before school. (I mean I took a shower last night, but still) I was running around the house trying to get my stuff together, and I was very frustrated because I was hoping to get up in time and have a little bit of time to study BEFORE school. Once I got to school I knew I would have no time, and walked into Sign Language about 15 minutes late. I have to admit, it was a good class, my professor is quite the clown! After that I had to run to quickly study for my first official math test, which I was really nervous about. Turns out I think I did pretty well, except there was one problem I just could not figure out. And that's at least 7 points off. I figured it out on the calculator, but obviously she isn't going to count it without any work. Following this stressful test, I had to drive to the Central campus in uptown Charlotte and go to the testing center to take a test for one of my online classes. (Silly to have to drive to two totally different campuses, right?) It took me an hour to get there because Mapquest does NOT know how to give directions. Once I did I was in and out in seriously 20 minutes. I was so nervous about this test, and ended up knowing every answer like it was 2nd nature to me. I was always good at history...

Because I finished so fast I had a chance to go grab some lunch at Panera, and really relax and enjoy a nice bowl of soup. I swear soup can heal anything. (Besides mashed potatoes). Then I headed to work, and decided to call and cancel my appointment at the gym, because while I was at Panera I decided I needed a break. I was stressing myself out so much, and I deserved to rest. (Plus I am super sore).

I am going to go to Courtney's apartment tonight, and hopefully have a good time, not getting bitched at by my roommates. I'm getting really sick of it. Speaking of roommates, Shannon said she might be ready to move out soon? And I'm moving back soon... it just makes sense. We are talking about it. That would be really neat if we could be roomies, I mean Id wake up to the smell of coffee every morning, how much better can it get? =D.

Tomorrow I am meeting a trainer at the gym to go over my diet, and disect the problem as to why it's so difficult for me to lose weight. After 5 months of personal training, this is the first time we are doing this. I am kinda pissed, because that's the whole reason I am paying the outrageous fee a month for it. I guess better late than never, right? Ill have my bikini body back before long!

Eek. Valentines Day Saturday.