long time, no post.

I cannot even begin to explain how busy and complicated my life has been within these past few months.

I am no longer living with Andy and Eden. As I mentioned in my last post, there was starting to be a lot of tension in the house. With them being a family, it became harder and harder to get along, with me not being a part of it. I can understand reasons, and now we get along just fine. I thought I was going to have to move back home, but then last minute I bumped into my cousin I haven't seen in a while, and found out he was living in Concord with his fiance, and their baby boy. (Another baby... words cannot express how hard it was for me to leave Noah Bear). So they offered me to stay with them at least another semester, so a week later I moved in (around thanksgiving or so). Ever since times have been a little easier, but still not easy. Even though my cousin and his fiance aren't married they still are practically a family and once again I feel like im intruding. Although I am helping them out financially I am sick of feeling like I am just in people's hair. My cousin's fiance is on my back about everything I do wrong, and has already even blamed me for relationship problems between her and my cousin. Which is absolutely ridiculous, I am hardly ever even there. I think it's all just bad timing, just like everything else in my life. I have pretty much decided to move back home at the end of the semester, and work on getting my own place again, at least it will be mine, with my rules, and I won't feel invasive on anyone's lives anymore. I am sick of losing people I care about because of it.

On top of all this stress, school this semester is pretty tough. I am taking Sign Language, with a catch. My professor is deaf, as well as everyone else who teaches and works in the ASL lab. Therefore it makes it very difficult to be clear about what is what, and what it means. I am also refreshing on my math skills, which isn't really hurting me at all. I am also working, but not as much as I was. It helps me as far as my energy level, but financially I am struggling.

And finally, my relationship with Harmon is on the rocks. We have been together going on 5 months (which isn't very long, and way too soon to be having problems like this)... but right now we technically aren't even together. I love this boy more than words could ever describe, but constantly we find ourselves fighting, and over the same few issues over and over again. Each time it takes something out of us we can't get back, and it kills me to know that we don't see eye to eye on so many things. Emotionally, we are perfect for eachother. We have so many little things in common, and we have great chemistry. But we also are very very different. I am just hoping God helps me figure this one out. What is meant to be will find it's way, right?

All the while I am feeling very lonely in Concord. Nothing has really changed about that, I actually have come to despise it here. I am driving back to the mountains this weekend to see friends and family, and really think about some things. Hopefully ill find my inspiration there, that's where it's been all along.

And I am so so grateful to the friends and family who have been there for me all along. I will update more often, promise. =]